March 19, 2011

12. 2ww crazies…

Posted in drivel at 11:17 am by M

Despite the fact that we’ve done IVF over 20 times (yes, really), that I’m 40 years old, that I have a beautiful, healthy boy, that I’ve done this SO MANY freaking times before – the two week wait is fucked.  Seriously fucked.  I know that statistically speaking this is unlikely to work – but there’s that tiny bit of my heart that yearns for it.  That wants another baby so very, very much.  That will break into even a zillion more pieces when it doesn’t work and that chapter of our lives has closed.  We will never have a second child.  Infertility and loss have made me want to add about how happy I am that we have the most AMAZING kid on the planet and we are so blessed, but it still sucks arse.

Crinone.  Bleuch.

Lately I’ve been having daydreams of my 3 children.  My twins (either/or) and B.  Little B with his 2 big sisters or big brother and big sister, sitting in the back seat of the car, grinning at me.    I feel like I’m picking at a scab and making myself hurt.

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3 Comments »

  1. JessPond said,

    I’m sorry for the daydreams lately. That stinks. Maybe it’s the meds. At least then it’ll go away?? 😦

    Here’s hoping for you that you get lucky this time (again)! It’s always statistically unlikely, but it does happen, it really does.

  2. Lut C. said,

    Oh, the joys of secondary IF. Of course I prefer where I am now, to where I was before, but boy does it still hurt.

    Wishing you astronomical luck!

  3. dawn said,

    hey hon
    i hear your pain, i really do. on the same page here. 1 more kick at the can and then have to be one with a family of 3


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